Checking your motives, reassessing your current state

Hi there! I wanted to post about something that I am currently experiencing that has been the biggest obstacle I have encountered on this journey so far. I am a super focused person and this prep so far has revealed that to me and made it more apparent than it has ever been. However, I have noticed myself becoming more and more isolated and to be honest, not a pleasant person to be around.

I think dedication is an amazing thing, and I value that so much. What I don’t value though is that I have been pretty terrible to the people close to me, mostly my Mom and family. I have had no filter and no serenity the past few weeks and it is taking a toll on me. I feel that this is due to my body adjusting and my hormones not knowing what to do. I have felt sick for about a week now with vertigo, nausea and headaches. My sleep was suffering as well and this probably has a lot to do with it also.

It can be a combination of things, but that is not the point of this post. Yesterday morning I  took it out on my family again, and each time it happens, I am less ok with it. I am the kind of person who likes to live in the solution and keep things moving. I don’t like to repeat my mistakes over and over again only to keep doing that same behavior if it hurts the people closest to me.

I questioned if doing the show was really worth it if I couldn’t control my actions or emotions, but I decided to follow through regardless. I realized that there is more than one way to do things, and if one way isn’t working I can go another route to get to my goal. This means I might have to go more outside my comfort zone and reach out for help, even though I like to be a hero and do everything myself.

To wrap up this rant, it is perfectly ok to question your motives and make sure your goal is worth the sacrifice. My main reason for doing this is to become a better version of myself. I want to grow, not live in the negative behaviors I were expressing. I realize I have a lot of work to do on myself. This isn’t bad. Everyone has room to improve.

Have a great weekend 🙂

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